by Johanna Osborne

 
We all know it’s good to be polite and ladylike, but sometimes there are situations where it’s very hard to know which road to take. Especially as we live in the modern day and age where things are rapidly changing every minute, yet the institution of marriage remains an old school traditional one. Sometimes we need to be reminded what is expected and what exactly is “the done thing”. Other times though we just might throw caution to the wind and do what feels right! Hey, you only live once! Here are a few important wedding day etiquette questions that some of our readers have asked us, and we hope they might help you along the way.

1. Who should be the first to know that I’m engaged?

Your nearest and dearest of course. And as tempting as it might be, don’t post a thing on Facebook or Twitter until you have told everyone that matters in real life and in real time. Parents, family members, godparents, and anyone you are particularly close with should also be told before the news is public knowledge.

2. Is it standard to expect gifts at our engagement party?

Engagement gifts are becoming more and more common, but it all depends on the type of party you have to celebrate. Guests will look to the extravagance of the event to mirror what they bring and and give. Engagement gifts are nice and it’s good manners to bring one, but not everyone may feel that way.

3. How do I get my guests to RSVP?

This can be trickier than you think! Give guests time to respond, especially if there is travel involved. Sending pre-stamped cards or giving an RSVP via email option might also encourage guests to respond faster. We recommend that at least one week before the exact numbers are due to be given to vendors, make follow-up calls to guests who have yet to reply. This is a great time to ask your wedding party or family for some help as well. And it will really save you time and hassle – not to mention unexpected costs – to get the correct numbers. It is good manners to RSVP promptly and we hope your guests will help you out on this!

4. What can I expect my bridesmaids to do?

Bridesmaids assist in the planning of the wedding, help the bride choose her dress, attend fittings for their own dresses, and of course any wedding related parties. Often bridesmaids will also throw a bridal shower in the lead up to the wedding with games and other activities involved. A “high tea” style celebration is becoming increasingly popular, as are day trips to vineyards and fun lunches out. It really depends on the bride and her preferences. On the wedding day itself bridesmaids can be invaluable in calming the bride’s nerves, making sure the train of her dress sits right and keep her looking refreshed and beautiful by attending to her needs – not to mention be in possession of the all important bridal emergency kit (see earlier blog post for exact suggested contents). Bridesmaids are also great at helping the bride use the bathroom (especially if the dress is big!), greeting and making guests feel welcome, handing out the cake later in the evening and generally spreading cheer and goodwill around the reception.

5. Is it ok not to have a cake?

Whilst we can’t really understand why anyone would not want a gorgeous darling cake to cut and enjoy, we have heard of couples opting for other things in its place, like a giant cheese platter or a candy bar. It’s all ok, as long as you are happy with it. Just remember a cake fulfills a certain sense of tradition and provides a wonderful celebratory part of your day, not to mention photo opportunities. Do what you feel is right, but if you do skip the cake, make sure you incorporate some other type of ritual or celebration that your guests can be part of and enjoy alongside you.

6. Is it acceptable to use my phone or camera to put photos online during/straight after my friend’s wedding?

When in doubt, it’s better to ask the couple’s permission before posting photos to any social media outlet – especially during the ceremony. Uploading photos not only distracts you from participating in the moment, but it also broadcasts details of the event to people who may not have been invited. The bride and groom may also not want the first glimpse of their images to be on your iPhone and rather the gorgeous shots they paid for.

7. What is the correct gift registry etiquette?

We all love to get gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged—not entitled.

•Do not print registry information on the invitation – if you opt to print it, put it on a separate piece of paper.
•Be careful when asking for cash gifts so as not to offend guests, particularly older guests; your close friends or family numbers can inform guests of your preferences if asked. Alternatively you may opt to use a cute poem to show your preference in the invitation. A “wishing well” can be nicely introduced by including a small card letting guests know you’ll be having one and make sure you word it so they know they don’t have to give cash if they don’t want to. A cute and popular poem to use is: ‘Most things we need we’ve already got and in our house we can’t fit a lot, so a donation to our wishing-well would be great, but only if you want to participate!’
•Respond to each gift with a personal hand-written thank you note within a few weeks of receiving the gift (or after returning from your honeymoon). This is good manners and makes guests feel like their gift was received and appreciated. This is very important and should never be overlooked or underestimated.

8. Is it ok to have a cash bar at my reception?

Weddings sure are expensive and couples should be on the lookout for budget saving tips and try to save money where and when they can. But never in our humble opinion – under any circumstances – should you ever consider hosting a cash bar at your reception! After all, you would never ask anyone to pay for a cocktail at your house. People at your reception are your guests, even if it’s not in your home, it’s still your party. Having said that, if a full bar is not within your budget, perhaps some other options could help:

•Host a soft bar, in which guests can order champagne, beer and wine. Or simply serve 2 types of cocktails of your choosing and water/soft drinks only.
•Find a reception site that allows you to bring in your own alcohol- you will save serious cash, and anything unopened can be returned for a full refund.
•Cut down the size of your guest list if possible. This is a significant (albeit difficult) way to reduce costs