by Johanna Osborne

Stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe has a fabulous friend called Derek Blasberg who writes these amazing books about etiquette in the modern day and age. And that got me thinking: nothing beats old fashioned manners, especially in today’s era where everything is fast and instant. We fancy ourselves as vintage this and old school that, but our decorum and manners are often anything but. What would Grace Kelly do? I bet my bottom dollar she wouldn’t “lol and OMG” nor would she obnoxiously speak on her mobile in the middle of a quiet restaurant. We are all guilty of the modern day faux pas and to be honest, who cares, but then again a gentle reminder from yesteryear doesn’t hurt every now and then. Ladies sit up straight – this one’s for you!

1.Thank you cards Who doesn’t love receiving mail? Actual real life mail, not a brochure or a bill. It’s exciting when there’s a handwritten card smiling at you from the mailbox. Oooh, what could it be? Besides an invitation, a thank you card is the next best thing. It shows someone has taken the time to personally thank you, and for the sentimental this provides a lovely keepsake. For wedding gifts thank you cards are an absolute must. We know there is an increasing trend to forgo this tradition but in our humble opinion if a guest has taken the time to select a gift for you and your new husband/wife, then they deserve the respect and recognition of having their gift acknowledged. On another note we have also seen some very thoughtful wedding guests who have actually thanked the bride and groom in writing for including them in their special day. And considering how much time, planning and money goes into a wedding it truly is an honour to be a guest, and what bride and groom would not like to hear how much their guests appreciated it?

2. Response We are drowning in a sea of technology, phones are beeping and emails are pinging through constantly. It’s hard to stay on top of things, but I am personally a believer that each message deserves a response (apart maybe the Nigerian scammer who claims he needs my date of birth and full name and bank account # asap so he can deposit money in it) . I worked in an environment for many years where our rule was each email was to be responded to within 24 hours. Best policy ever. Nothing every piled up and everyone felt looked after and listened to. Even if you don’t have the right answer then and there, a simple “thanks for your message, I will look into it and get back to you” is sometimes all it takes to put someone’s mind at ease, knowing their email did indeed go through.

3.Compliments If you think someone looks nice make sure you say it! If someone has done something lovely remember to thank them. Sometimes life and its trials and tribulations steal our mojo and we lack the energy and enthusiasm to express the good. But nice words breed more nice words, and who doesn’t want to live in a nice world?

4.Be polite If you had a birthday dinner and your friends showered you in gifts, maybe a written card is not warranted (too formal!) but a nice email, text or even phone call the next day to let them know how much you appreciated it is a nice touch. The same applies if you have been invited to a dinner party – it’s always polite and good manners to thank the host a day or two later.

5.Gifts If you are invited to someone’s home then it is a wonderful gesture to bring a hostess gift. It doesn’t have to be big; a small candle, hand lotion or flowers for the host is a lovely addition to the other BYO items you may choose to bring.

6.Say hello Many are friends with people on Facebook that they wouldn’t talk to on the street, either because they can’t be bothered or wouldn’t recognise them. In my humble opinion if you can’t stop and chat to that person, then they should not be privy to your private life online. Facebook is awesome, I’m a massive fan, but it is seductive in terms of sharing many private moments with a wide audience. Make sure those people are worthy of your private details and if not, I would suggest a good old fashioned spring clean.

7.Be honest No one likes a bragger. Good friends are happy for you if you succeed and do well, but no one likes a show off. Be gracious and never boastful. Don’t try too hard to impress, it’s not worth it. Be honest with your feelings and your true friends will still love and support you even if you don’t have as much money as you’d like, don’t drive the coolest car or your job sucks. No one needs fair weather friends, so don’t waste your time trying to impress them.

8.Be grateful I gave a small gift to someone yesterday because they had done something kind for me. The lady was blown away and so touched by my admittedly very small gesture. Why? I assume not many people think of these things anymore. Be grateful when the need arises and show your appreciation. It doesn’t have to be a gift, it could be an email or a kind word, but don’t let the good go unsaid.
 

9. Mobile madness Couples at restaurants each furiously texting away on their phones, families sitting around a table all with heads buried in their tablets or iPads, friends having coffee with mobiles firmly on the table… these things are commonplace nowadays. I don’t know about you, but I recall a day and age where no one had a mobile and where you made plans, stuck to them and showed up – none of this changing your mind business. You gave the person you were with your attention and any messages would be returned once you got home to your house. I love my mobile, I would say I couldn’t live without it, although I know that’s not true. And I know it’s easy for me to preach, but I honestly don’t think a mobile phone needs to be on the table when you are having coffee/lunch/dinner with your friend/husband/fiancé. No one is THAT busy or important. Unless you are an on-call brain surgeon that is of course… but otherwise give the greatest gift of all – your time and attention to the person you are with.

10. Be gracious The most elegant of women of all time are always remembered for their graciousness, class and style. Think Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe. They were polite, well spoken, had good manners and left behind them a wake of awe. They weren’t rude and they knew how to use their charm and manners when it counted. And their legacy lives on. Maybe we can learn a thing or two?