by Johanna Osborne

Stephen and I once, many, many years ago, sat next to a couple who were on a blind date and having their first face to face encounter at a restaurant. We were at the table next to them. Little did they know little old big ears Johanna was listening.

To be honest it was possibly the most comical eavesdropping I’ve ever done. Post introductions it went something like this. Guy: “What are you up to tonight?” (My thoughts: one would think it’s a tad obvious, she’s having dinner with you, and it seems you don’t plan to stick around long if you are already planning beyond the dinner table). Then he went on to deliver this golden nugget: “The menu here is pretty good. I’ll shout you a garlic bread.” (Oh dear, offering to “shout” someone a garlic bread is truly rock bottom of blind dating – this guys needs serious lessons! ). And as soon as the waitress took his order, he darted off to the all-you-can-eat salad boat, not sparing a second to wait for his “date”. He returned to the table, and proceeded to scoff his face with pasta salad and really the conversation was pretty sparse after that.

What can I say? It’s been years and I recall it as if it were yesterday. I pity the poor girl that had to sit through a dinner with that guy. And not only that, I feel for people in the big wide yonder of dating – gosh, aren’t we lucky to have found the one? There are lots of freaks, geeks and weirdos out there and we are most fortunate we no longer to have to navigate the crazy world of dating!

Take my friend for example, she’s a prime example of all the reasons dating in this day and age should come with a disclosure form. I do hope she will forgive me for describing all the sordid details here, and of course she shall remain entirely nameless.

My friend is a beautiful woman and has no shortage of admirers. She’s attractive, fun, extremely outgoing and vibrant. It’s no wonder men are drawn to her like bees to honey. However, it’s somewhat unfortunate that her kind, positive and open minded attitude has resulted in a few not so pleasant encounters and experiences. Take for example the guy she met on an online dating site. They arranged to go to the movies and he asked her she minded paying for her own ticket as soon as they met. Strike one. Then he purchased a giant container of popcorn and sat through the movie shovelling it into his mouth like a crane. Strike 2. After the movie they decided to go out for a drink, but he needed to change his boots to some more respectable shoes (not sure why he did not think of this earlier) and they headed to the nearby Backpackers where he was staying (stability alert light flashing here, why a Backpackers?). After he changed his shoes but before they left the room he made a somewhat loaded suggestion to her. She refused. Then he made another proposition, even more unexpected than the first, and certainly not what she had imagined. She then politely told him she needed to depart as it was getting late. His response? “Ok that’s fine, but let me walk you to your car, there’s a lot of weirdos out there.” Enough said.

Or the time she met a guy and fell head over heels in love with him, only to discover that he had an active online dating profile. When quizzed about this he said it was uploaded long before he met her. Only snag? The fact he was wearing a necklace she gave him in his profile picture!

Yes baby it’s a wild, wild world out there. But that’s not to say that meeting Mr or Mrs Right is impossible, it just means you have to look a little harder and be a bit more grateful when you finally find The One! We’ve heard of plenty of people who have met in nightclubs, online sites and been set up by friends who have indeed found love and it has worked out happily ever after for. Just because there are some horror stories, doesn’t mean there aren’t successful ones too. And this post is by no means intended as disrespectful to those still on the quest for love. I just want to highlight that I realise it ain’t easy baby!

It also makes you think even for those of us who have found our other halves – how good are our “dates”?! Do we sit there longingly staring into each other’s eyes? Well my husband and I sure don’t anymore, primarily because there’s a 3 year old at the table with us and I have to keep my eyes firmly on my food to make sure a dump truck doesn’t accidentally drive through it! Dinners have taken a somewhat more animated turn these days, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My husband Stephen and my son Milan are the 2 single most important things in the world to me and I am beyond grateful to have them in my life. However, I do like to think that regardless of the time that has passed since our first date or the distractions of everyday life, the conversation should always flow, the effort should be made and the harmony intact. One of the nicest vows I recently came across was that of one of our MR & MRS couples who said they wanted to be sure “not to become an old couple staring silently into their meals” and I think that’s a pretty good goal. Of course silence can be golden but overall I hope to never lose the bond and connection that chatting to my best friend over a nice meal brings. Talking to and spending time with our love every day is a luxury we are very fortunate to have. Moral of the story? Don’t take your dinner partner for granted, not everyone is as lucky as us!