by Johanna Osborne

If you are a sucker for romantic comedies like me then you would have seen your fair share of wedding themed flicks over the years – ‘The Wedding Crashers’, ’27 Dresses’, ‘Bride Wars’, ‘The Wedding Planner’ amongst others, and of course let’s not forget the famed 2011 movie ‘Bridesmaids’ . And whilst the bride rightfully plays the lead, her trusty bridesmaids are never far behind. The spotlight is bigger and wider than ever before, and the bride’s right hand women are taking centre stage right along with her, now more than ever before.

So the question begs to be asked, just who is the modern bridesmaid? A planner in disguise, willing to walk over hot coals to please the bride, relinquishing all personal opinions at the door and being a “yes-woman” for the 12 months leading up to the wedding? If the stereotype of some of the movies is to be believed, then a bridesmaid works harder than the bride in an effort to make sure everything stays on track and pulls together on the big day. Of course, along the way there’s always a mammoth collision caused by some ill-guided misunderstanding, a big feud, some mournful time apart, followed by a remorseful heart to heart where true feelings and opinions are finally aired out. And as entertaining as that might be on the big screen, it’s not quite as appealing in real life. And perhaps that’s the lesson here, we are not in la-la land after all, so it’s better to speak your mind from the get-go and don’t let any unsaid things simmer during the preparation time. A year can seem like a decade when you consider all the stuff that’s condensed into this sometimes fraught time.

And really that’s what’s truly important anyway, shaping the day, making it a celebration of the couple and the various people who are part of their lives. Diversity and difference should be celebrated, each bridesmaid should be given a task that suits their personality and skills, something to give her purpose and make her feel like she’s contributing without asking too much or putting her in an uncomfortable position. Asking a wallflower to make a speech could be taking things a little bit too far, but ask the party girl to plan the dance list and you could be on to a winner. The efforts and capabilities of the modern bridesmaid are not to be underestimated – they do so much these days! Anything and everything from organising elaborate kitchen teas and hens’ parties right through to helping plan the big day itself, the favours, the order of ceremony, even assisting in coordinating their own outfits and accessories. To some this is a delight, to others sheer horror. But most brides know themselves and their friends well enough to gage how much they can ask before exhausting their friends. And of course some brides love to do it all themselves, and relish the responsibility and organising “high” they get from it all.

It’s always good to be clear about what you envisage and expect. If your friends know what you are thinking, then you are all on the same page. And that can lead to a totally awesome bonding experience. The journey to the altar, although primarily between man and wife, also involves the wife and her numerous ladies in waiting- her trusty bridesmaids. Nothing beats this stuff! The heart to hearts, the shopping excursions, the discussions over colours and styles, the get-togethers, the fittings, the morning of the wedding and the time spent getting hair and makeup done whilst sipping champagne. It’s magical. Besides marrying your sweetheart, the time you spend with your bridesmaids could quite possibly be the best part of your wedding. It’s all a bit like getting ready for the school dance, except this is the biggest most elaborate dance of all, the last one of your single life. And who better to share it with than your best friends?

It’s so refreshing to see the importance of bridesmaids reflected in so many ways these days. They have a “presence” at the wedding, and stand out more than ever before. And we just love the more unique choice of dresses these days – different dress-styles and colours are so in right now! Just as each girl is different, so can their dress be! And yet it can all still blend gloriously. The time to be creative and inventive with designing your big day is now, more than ever before. It’s ok to be unique, to step outside the square, to dress your friends in what they want to wear. It’s all about making your wedding about you, and the relationship(s) that have brought you to this point. And whilst the groom is the apple of the bride’s eye on the big day, her gaggle of girlfriends are the ones that hold her hand, smooth out her dress and pat her on the back when her bouquet is shaking a little bit more than it should. That’s what friends are for. The emotional support is simply invaluable. So enjoy the ride and have fun with your bridesmaids!

And where does it all come from?

“The Western bridesmaid tradition is thought to have originated from Roman Law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits (believed to attend marriage ceremonies) by dressing in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits would not know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, there was a belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, the bride and groom are frequently dressed in the same fashion as other members of the bridal party.” (source Wikipaedia)

And here we have it… www.weddings.about.com cite the following as possible responsibilities of the bride’s maid…
 

A bridesmaid’s duties might include:

– Helping the bride shop for her dress and bridesmaids’ dresses
when asked, giving advice on decorations, favors, music, and more
– Helping the maid of honor to plan a bridal shower, and, if appropriate, chipping in for the costs of food, decorations, or venue
– Helping to plan a bachelorette party (this the bridesmaids may pay for or split the cost with the other attendees)
– Helping the bride dress (and stay calm) before the ceremony
– Providing moral support at all times
– Telling others where the couple is registered and other details, such as when they will return from their honeymoon, where to send gifts etc
– Being useful at the wedding reception. The couple may ask you to help direct guests to the guestbook, assist with a special moment, make sure that – vendors have arrived, or do crisis management. You might also want to stick around after the reception and make sure things are cleaned up and wedding presents secured.
– Being social. Be sure to talk to as many guests as you can, making them feel warmly welcomed. If there’s a dance floor, help get the party going!
– Consider throwing (or helping to pitch in for) a day-after brunch. These events are great to help the couple catch up with out-of-town guests, and have a more relaxed environment to socialize in.