by Johanna Osborne

I don’t know how it happened or where the time went, but it seems this week I am really turning 35. I did a quick calculation to make sure that this could indeed be true, and unfortunately it appears to be a fact. Yes, I am officially half way to 70! I vividly remember anticipating my childhood birthdays with glee and counting the days, hours and minutes until it was finally time to celebrate. Strange how something that once seemed to take forever to come around, now occurs with alarming frequency. The older you get, the faster time goes! But instead of lamenting that I am now as close to 40 as I am to 30, I do believe that life is only just getting good. The last 15 years have taught me an immense amount. And whilst I still have a mammoth amount of learning to do, I have gathered some precious morsels of wisdom acquired through trial and error – which really is the only way to learn. I’ve always believed you have to touch the stove yourself to see if it’s hot, no point someone else telling you not to.

We are all born with a nice big capacity to make mistakes in life. And hindsight really is a wonderful thing. We live, we stuff up, and we live some more, stuff up again, learn some more and finally somewhere along the line a wee bit of wisdom creeps in. But it never ends and the revolving door of life lessons is an interesting one.

There are times in life where our likelihood of making errors is higher – usually when we are stressed and under pressure. Planning a wedding certainly falls under that category, and from firsthand experience I know how overwhelming it can seem. Especially in this day and age where everyone goes the extra mile and pulls out all the stops to go all fancy and spectacular. Whilst it’s hugely exciting, it’s also daunting. And when we are under pressure sometimes our nerves are the first thing to suffer, and that’s when certain decisions and judgements may end up being a bit cloudy. This is true in many situations, and looking back I know this applies to me in many parts and aspects of my life. What have I learnt? Here’s a few of my favourites…

1. Don’t ever resolve or deal with a big issue over text. Yes, it’s easy, more convenient and possibly also more comfortable to dodge that tricky conversation, but things get misinterpreted via text and it can do irreparable damage to your relationship or friendship. Call, talk about it and sort it out. I look back a few occasions in my life where things would have taken a very different turn if only I had picked up the phone and called my friend and talked to her about it. The immaturity of youth prevented me from having the confidence to deal with a problem directly, and to this day I regret not being more proactive. As the Chinese proverb goes “Friendship is like a book. It takes years to write but only seconds to burn.”

2. Apologise. Even if you aren’t in the wrong, there is huge strength in offering an apology for upsetting someone else. Just because you did not intend to hurt someone does not mean that you didn’t. It takes courage and empathy – and you will feel so much better for it.

3. Don’t rush things. I remember being so anxious for my baby boy to crawl, to walk, to talk… and now that he does all those things I’m proud as punch! But I think to myself, why oh why was I in such a hurry? The joy is in the journey, and it’s important to stop and smell the roses. And the same goes for anything in life – the countdown to your big day, planning a special holiday. Enjoy the ride! In German there’s a saying; “Vorfreude ist die beste Freude” – and it’s so true. It literally translates to “The greatest joy is in the anticipation of what’s to come”. Ain’t that the truth! We all get a rosy glow when we are looking forward to something amazing. And how often do you count down to a fabulous night, and within minutes of arriving, there is already talk of the next event?! It’s because a lot of the joy is in the planning, and having something to look forward to. It keeps us hopping from one lily pad to the next, in this big lake we call life.

4. Appreciate what you have! We are always looking for what else we want, what we need next – whether it’s weddings, honeymoons, houses, cars or everyday life. So it’s quite a therapeutic thing to sometimes stop, look and enjoy everything you have already achieved. If you are planning a wedding, so what if you are on a budget? There’s plenty of ways of looking fancy without spending big dollars. It’s about imagination and passion. And there’s plenty of experts out there that can guide you.

5. “Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” Plato’s famous quote is one I constantly remind myself of. There are quite a few rude, nasty and sour faced people in this crazy world, and every now and then one of them crosses my path. But I try to remind myself that there is a reason they are like that, and most likely they are suffering and enduring something. And it’s most likely nothing to do with me. Most people are at their least loveable when they need the most love. A little compassion goes a long way. It makes you feel ugly inside to be mean, so that alone is enough to make me feel sorry for someone.

6. Confidence is the key to most things. I certainly haven’t always had it in great supply, what girl does? But over the years I’ve slowly amassed a little bit of life experience, and a certain self assurance comes with that. I can do this. I can survive in this crazy world. But when all else fails, if you can at least look and act confident, you can pull off almost anything! Trust yourself.

7. Not everyone is going to like you. No matter how hard you try. I have had a hard time with this one, as the more I sense someone doesn’t like me, the harder I work to win them over. But some people aren’t going to be won over – ever – and those are the ones that we need to let go. If you know you haven’t done anything wrong, then hold your head high and keep your pride in place. You are you, and there’s lots of people that will love you for that!

8. Trust your instincts. Many times our subconscious has already made a decision before we’ve caught up and made the same decision. It’s about finding the answer in your gut and going with that. Sometimes that might mean going out on a limb, way beyond your comfort zone and pushing yourself- but sometimes the scariest things are those that make us feel most alive.

9. Don’t buy the size you think you should be, but the size that looks best. In my time working in the retail industry as a student, I will never forget girls trying to squeeze themselves into sizes waaay too small, only because they want to say they are an 8, a 10, a 12 … whatever. The thing is, you can look a lot slimmer wearing a size bigger if it skims your body shape, rather than clings in the wrong places. No one is going to check your size label, ever. But they will remember how you looked! Every shop and garment makes things fit differently, so just because you are going up a size, doesn’t mean anything at all. Who cares what size you are? Rock the look and do your body proud. PS: On that note, don’t wear a strapless wedding dress unless you have the arms for it. Not everyone does, and there’s tons of other styles which look amazing- work with what you have and you will look and feel amazing! Don’t wear something just because it’s in fashion – it has to suit you and you have to feel good in it, or else you won’t have a good time. And what’s the point in that?

10. Love and respect those close to you. I am not sure why, but sometimes we are least nice to those we love most. We treat those we want to impress with the highest respect, but mums, dads, husbands and wives sometimes not so much… why? Oh, we take them for granted. Never take anyone or anything for granted… nothing is permanent in life, so make sure those you care about know it. And on that note, people will let you down. Even those you thought were “the best of friends” may end up hurting you. So even more reason to keep the bond tight with those you love most… they are the ones that will be there for you, unconditionally always.

Thank you for letting me share my list with you … there will be countless other things to add to it, every day for the rest of my life I imagine. What are some of your lessons? We’d love to hear about them… leave them in the comments section on Facebook!

“Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them” – Unknown