by Johanna Osborne

I am a little old school and somewhat traditional. I kind of like being that way. I know what I believe, but I am open minded enough to realise things aren’t black and white or cut and dried in life. I’ve been married nearly 7 years, so whilst that’s not quite spring chicken material, I know it’s not diamond anniversary stuff either. I’m not really qualified to dish out any sort of advice whatsoever, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt – the school of life has a good way of teaching us a thing or two.

I was raised in a warm, loving home and my parents, regardless of the situation, always presented a united front. There was no doubt, if I asked my Mum and she said no, no matter how fast I ran into other room in an effort to beat the lightning speed telepathic communication between my parents, my Dad would not hesitate and give the same answer my Mum had delivered only seconds earlier. I grew up in what can only be described as a secure, stable and totally comfortable home. I felt I belonged, that I was important and most of all there was no doubt – I was deeply loved. This was the biggest and best gift my parents could have ever given me, for those feelings have stayed with me my whole life. And as we often repeat familiar patterns in life, I am immensely grateful for that foundation.

My grandparents were the same. They were somehow bonded, alike, and whilst they bickered from time to time, they were each other’s world. When my Oma sadly passed away, my Opa was packing his suitcase, ready to go and join her. He passed away just a few short months later, and I still believe it was from a broken heart.

My childhood played out at a time where most of my friends were lucky enough to have 2 parents in the home, and divorce wasn’t all that common. I’m not super old (although I might sound like it!) and I guess that made an impression on me. So for me agreeing to marry someone was always a serious decision. At the risk of stating the obvious, everyone knows agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone requires a considerable amount of thought. But for some reason the whirlwind of the moment, the rose coloured spectacles and being in love with the idea of love appears to bamboozle some people. Not to mention keeping up with everyone else and what they are doing. Hollywood lighting speed engagements and massive wedding don’t help the cause either. Everyone is in love with the idea of love, yet subsequent divorces are on the rise. And that’s sad.

I don’t agree with staying in an unhappy relationship. But I do believe in trying your darndest to make it work. Especially if there are children involved. But if you can’t live in peace, then it’s best to get out. Sometimes divorce is the only option. But sometimes things can be saved, it’s just a matter of wanting it badly enough.

I guess the most important question then presents itself – how do you know if you are ready to get married in the first place? It’s a tough one to answer as everyone has a different view. Especially as common interests and shared passions in your 20s might completely change and evolve in your 30s, and you may end up being entirely different people- So how can you be sure that you belong together? Well, how does it begin? Remember that insanely amazing and crazy period when you first meet “the one” and suddenly nothing matters anymore? When your thoughts and feelings are all consuming? Your heart jumps to your mouth when he calls, or you know he is about to turn up to your house. You change your outfit ten thousand times and douse yourself in perfume and pop breath mints like peanuts. Well, this gorgeous person you have fallen in love with, the person you can’t get enough of, your very own 50 Shades of Grey if you like (yes bordering on cheesy now, I know!)– will you still feel this way about them in years to come? Can you see yourself loving them when they are a little rounder, a little balder, a little greyer? Can you see yourself wiping sweat off their brow when they have the flu, or holding their hair back when they are bent over the toilet? Can you see yourself giving up everything for this person? Would you still love them if they didn’t have money, a job or suddenly got so sick they needed you to care full time for them? It’s not the gorgeous stuff that tells us if it’s right, it’s the nasty, gritty things that test our boundaries and our capacity for love. We all prefer happy endings, so it’s important to think these things through. For there is nothing more amazing in life than that one true, pure love.

Emotional attraction is another factor not to be underestimated. Whilst you still do (and should) find your partner attractive, the emotional bond is ends up being what holds you together, and not just lustful thoughts. When you are apart, you miss not only your lover, but your best friend. The foundation of remaining faithful is not based on the fear of hurting the other, but the fact that they are the only one for you, and the only one you want! Accepting that whilst your relationship might not be perfect, there is no other relationship you’d rather have or be in. The grass is not greener and you aren’t even looking to check if it is. That ladies and gentlemen is how you know you are ready for forever. At least in my humble opinion. But then again if you are truly ready you wouldn’t be in any doubt anyhow.

Whilst fairytales might not be real, and life is tough and things aren’t always perfect, there are certain things that you should not compromise on. And love is one of them. It should be great and it should make you darn happy. Always!